Bullying

Confidence is highly effective in improving socialization and fending off bullies

Most people deal with being picked on at some point in their lifetimes. Bullying affects millions of people each year from every age, gender, and race. It occurs across settings from school to work, and can even invade personal life online. The impacts of bullying on mental health can last a lifetime and contribute to low self esteem, anxiety, isolation, and possibly suicide.

Luckily, there are steps to take to break from the impacts of bullying and start building confidence.

1. Acknowledge and don’t react
What gives bullies their power is how we respond to them. When we avoid having a big reaction to how someone is treating us, it makes it difficult for the one bullying us to see the effect of their abuse. This tactic is not to condone the bullying being done, but it is to address the power dynamic the bully is trying to force. A bully is trying to get you to react to validate their sense of control over you. You should not just walk away, acting as though the bullying is not occurring . This response can perpetuate the cycle and give the bully the power to control your movements and spaces you are allowed in. This is where it becomes essential to acknowledge that you are being treated unfairly. A simple nod of acknowledgment and eye contact should suffice. Let them know that you see how poorly they are treating you and that you can handle it. The hard thing about fighting with bullies is that they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Make yourself a harder target so they shift their attention. Do not let them take you to their level, just acknowledge their attempt.

2. Set boundaries
Once you have acknowledged that a bully is treating you poorly and can handle it, you have shown them that they are not in control of your emotions or how you act. Should the bullying continue, it is now key to draw the line on how that type of behavior will not be tolerated and what will happen should they cross that line. Communicate to them clearly what will not be tolerated and what will happen if they break that boundary, to leave no room for misinterpretation. Be consistent in stating those lines and enforce action when they are violated (ie. getting help from trusted sources).

3. Seek support
Asking for help can be difficult, but when bullying becomes overwhelming and the person bullying consistently does not respect your boundaries, collaboration with a trusted source/s is necessary. Find people who are trustworthy and willing to help advocate for you, ideally people who already have power over the bully and can more easily implement real consequences for their actions (ie. school staff, someone a bully will listen to).

By: Leonel Gonzalez Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist  (#143816) Supervised by Curt Widhalm, LMFT #47333