What To Know When Your Child Is In Therapy
So, your child has entered therapy. You may be experiencing a range of emotions and thoughts: relief, worry, anxiety, even curiosity. Many questions may come to mind like 'What are they talking about?', 'Will this actually help them?', or 'Are they talking about me?'. While these are understandable concerns, what will actually help your child will be learning how to support them in therapy and what to expect may occur as they go through the therapeutic process.
So, how can you do that? Here are some key things to keep in mind:
Give them space to work through emotions and learn to love to LISTEN. Remember what it was like to be a child or teenager? Wanting your own independence and autonomy and getting frustrated when you didn't get it? Your child is likely experiencing the same. Showing up as an adult in their lives who is willing to let them vent, complain, and discuss difficult feelings normalizes those things for them and cements you as someone they can turn to when they (eventually) realize they need assistance or just someone to, yes, listen.
ACCEPT that they want to INDIVIDUATE. Part of the desire for autonomy they have is to allow themselves space to learn who they are and who they aren't. A child's need to individuate can be tough for parents, even a bit hurtful. You will need them to be able to stand on their own one day. Your child also wants to be able to do that, a rare area of some agreement. Often they want this faster than you might feel comfortable with. They will stumble on their way to doing that. Remember, we all do.
UNDERSTAND that their individual therapy could become family therapy. In the vast majority of cases where children are the client, the actual problem can involve the entire family system. You may understandably feel resistant to that, out of a fear of being cast as in the role of the bad or insufficient parent, but that's not what it means. Children can and will challenge problems in the family system, particularly if they are never discussed or have become "taboo". Your willingness to sometimes join your child in therapy can be very eye-opening to how aware of these problems your child actually is. It also signals to your child that there is a way to discuss uncomfortable material, and that you are willing to participate in those discussions. You may find that these problems are things that bother you too, but you may not have known how to deal with or address them before.
When we come to therapy it’s usually because we want something to CHANGE. Yet, it’s the actual possibility of change that can scare us the most, and is often what makes some decide to leave therapy at a crucial juncture. Being prepared for change not only in your child, but in the entire family system, can help your child as they go through therapy by providing them with a sense of being accepted, supported, and seen. It tells them that you are there and willing to explore possibilities for and with them.One of the scariest moments for parents is finding out that their teen is having suicidal thoughts. In these life-or-death situations, it is normal to panic and do anything that you can to keep your child alive. And oftentimes, the suggestions from many mental health professionals is to have your teen go to the emergency room. Is that always the right choice?
Recognizing that therapy can help your child is a great, first step. Take the next step by reaching out to a therapist to start the process.
Amit Dave AMFT (#125539)
